Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
