All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize