I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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