i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
