I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
