so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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