There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
not ubering you a puppy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
