he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
