Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
