my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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