Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
