remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
