Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
