i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
