How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
