You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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