....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize