So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
