I hate your face
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
