Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
