i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
FUCK WHALES
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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