his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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