Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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