WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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