we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
