I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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