i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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