i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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