bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
