The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
