A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
