i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
