I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
