it was like his penis was on wheels.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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