so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
