I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His nipple licking is glorious
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