Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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