and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
