matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
