let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
