and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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