I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
