i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
