I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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