your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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