Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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