she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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