You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize