This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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