jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
