This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
