I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
