He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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