Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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