maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
