Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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