Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
