One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
