I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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