People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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