She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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