I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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