Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
