You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
