I need help removing her.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
