Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
