I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
