Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
