did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
